annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Fighting on

So. It's been all about my grandson, this last few days, or however long it's been. Something about starting school down here made the reality of what's happened to his mother finally register and he keeled right over. (In case you just found this blog, she has advanced MS which has destroyed her once brilliant mind, as well as her body, so she doesn't speak, or necessarily recognise us, but she may live for five more years, or more, or less and hasn't had any mothering capacity for three or four years. Her son is sixteen.) Which is hard, and made harder by the school system. Fucking hell, they were straight on his case over a couple of missed days and a few leaving earlies. Luckily one of my oldest pals is a teacher at this school and he's been brilliant. As with so many things in Britain today, it's the government's fault. They have slashed the budget for non-teaching staff in 6th form colleges (post 16) by 70%. Seventy fucking per cent! And have imposed all kinds of regulations about attendance and blah blah blah, so GS thought he'd blown it with the school, but couldn't quite face going in because he's a sixteen year old boy on the verge of crying all the time, so he must be a total failure. Oh man, the poor little soul, my heart was breaking for him, and for Younger Daughter (his aunt and now his guardian), struggling to find a way through. But we made it, I collected work today for him to do at home, there's quite a bit of support available, everyone agrees that these are extenuating circumstances, he can have a bit of space, blah blah blah. And here is a copy of the letter my daughter has sent to everyone we can think of who knew ED before all this happened to her:

Dear Everyone,
Ok so this is sad and hard, but basically I feel that GS needs some help to come to terms with the loss of his mum as it is affecting his ability to live his life.
We’re getting him some support, but I feel like he could benefit from some way of saying goodbye to the ED that is no longer with us. After speaking with him, we’ve decided to have a little day of remembrance for the immediate family (GS, YD, me, Son, and Bloke), where we can just talk a bit about who ED was and what we have all lost, and so we can mark it somehow. We’ve been accepting that we’ve lost or are losing her for years now, but for GS the acknowledgement of it is very new.
I know it is hard to explore that place of loss for someone who we loved who is no longer really ‘here’ (especially when there is big loss going on in your lives at the moment, as I know there is for a few of you) but I was hoping that some of you, if you could, could write a little bit of who ED was to you or any memories of her that spring to mind. They can be long or short, in any style, or even just a sentence that describes her. It’s about creating an overall impression from lots of different people rather than perfectly worded individual pieces.
Handwritten and posted to us would be amazing, but email or facebook messages would be great too if you know you won’t get around to posting anything – I’d rather have them in any format than not at all. We are planning to have the ‘ED Day’ next Saturday, 17th October, so as soon as possible would be appreciated.
I will also use them to put in a book so that GS has something that he can hold and spend time with if he wants to, so any photos that you could also send if you have any(with your name on the back so I can copy them and send back to you, or email them to me if they’re digital, or put on a disk if there is lots) would be brill.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for anyone that takes part in this, it means a lot. Witnessing GS’s grief is incredibly hard, but not being able to help him come to terms with it is far worse.
All the love in the whole world,
(and GS, me & Son)

She's gonna be a good second mum to him, isn't she?

So that's been us, why I've not been writing.

I am grateful for: my daughter's spirit and determination to do the best she can; getting to yoga today - I missed it for nearly three weeks, so calming; the internet enabling us all to communicate easily; central heating; shite telly

Sweet dreams xxxx

9:43 p.m. - 08.10.15


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