annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I made it to yoga today - man, why is it so hard to get there when the results are reliably and immediately so brilliant. I've been really jittery and twitchy and unable to settle to anything, to the point where it's just awful and I can't bear myself any more. I went to bed last night repeatedly telling myself I was going to yoga today, and woke up and just went. Well, not quite - I felt resentful at having this spurious task presented as some kind of success/failure marker, and muttered darkly to myself as I jittered about, right up to the last minute when I flung on some leggings and set off, with two fags ready rolled for the walk. To get anywhere from here the quickest, flattest route takes me along the main drag, past all the chain stores, in amongst the shoppers and the hurly burly of city centre bollocks and frankly, I'm not always in the mood for being there, but there is where I go, all aggrieved at knowing what's good for me, rather than being able to slide down into the pit of doom, staying in bed in guilt-free ignorance. I've talked a bit more sense into myself by the time I arrive at the Buddhist Centre (cheapest and best drop-in classes in town), but am now wobbly as I've realised how mental I'm being, and that's never reassuring. The teacher has us lie down and relax to start the class, and talks about leaving everything else in our lives outside the room. I'm only half listening as I'm aware of my heart racing and pounding in my chest, until I hear the word 'sorrows' and a big sigh escapes me as water pours from my eyes. It's a strange sensation - I've had it before, during meditation usually. The thing with lying down though, is that instead of running down the front of your face, the tears go down the side, into your ears. Ach, this is bollocks, I thought. I can't do this, I'll unravel completely, but then he had us sitting cross-legged, with a space between our legs 'big enough for a bottle of Baileys - the drink of choice for the modern yoga practitioner' (just because they're Buddhists doesn't mean they can't be fucking annoying), to lean forward from the hips, stretch out our arms and put our fingertips on the floor. And slowly melt forward, letting our backs stretch out and our heads move towards the floor... and I was there, just doing it, there in the room, in the moment, and all my 'stuff' did stay outside for the next hour and a quarter as I just followed instructions and I emerged with a loose, relaxed body and totally chilled mind, into the rest of my day, which has been mellow, with good food and all that malarkey. I was going to write a bit about good books I've read recently, but it's late and I must away to my bed. Sweet dreams xx 12:33 a.m. - 27.09.13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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