annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - The d word was mentioned in relation to ED yesterday, for the first time. My doctor: "As the mother of a dying daughter..." I expect I'll get used to it, acclimatise, re-jig everything around to include that as part of my reality for however long we have, but I don't know how. I don't think the others (Son, YD, Bloke, SIL, GS) have taken this step and acknowledged where we are and I wish that I hadn't. I don't know how to survive this. I don't know how to think about anything else. I don't know how to not make it all about me and my pain, my pain is too big for anyone else's to get a look in, but it's not just about me, my GS in particular has an unbearable looking future, but we are all losing someone we love. Yesterday I was full of anger at the unfairness of it all - Son and YD having struggled so hard for so many years to get their lives on track only to have this waiting up the line for them. And me, losing my mother as a baby and now my daughter. My darling Grandson, losing his mother. Today I'm done. Still not dressed, missed yoga again. After Glasto I'll go and stay with her - I want to do that now, just get in the car and go, but the other two are depending on me and I feel the festival will be a bit nourishing for my soul even if exhausting for my body. That's what I need, to build myself up, to gather some strength to see me through the next bit without turning into another burden for the rest of them. Right now though, I think I'll go back to bed. 1:03 p.m. - 20.06.13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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