annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Starting to bore myself now

Found out that in terms of benefits I've been put in the 'Work Related Activities Group', which means my weekly rate is back to its previous untold wealth (two fifths of minimum wage), and that I will have an interview and discussion about what I need to assist me on my way back into work. I'm a bit befuddled, as I'd thought a tribunal was my next step, but I have been wrong before (1972, early spring).

It's all bullshit - the local office is rumoured to have precisely zero funds to do anything beyond that first interview - no help with CV's, no training, no assistance with form-filling or interview techniques, nada.

So, I'm confused about what the future holds but know that I am covered, without the demand that I apply for jobs, till July. I'm cool with this - maybe I will be fit for work by next July - I'm certainly not against the idea, but I'm not going to pin my hopes on it either. Not in a recession, when I am old (18 months off retirement age), visibly exhausted and a total professional fuck-up over the last ten years. I can't imagine the circumstances in which anyone would think I was the best potential employee, given the calibre of most of those looking for work. If my energy level comes back up, and my concentration, my capacity for 'executive thinking' - well, then it's a different ball game. We'll see.

I hadn't realised how much tension I was carrying, worrying about the tribunal, until it all ebbed away. I'm knackered now, but feel I may be able to start - well, maybe not so much start as stop, stop having to distract myself all the time. At least one aspect of the next six months looks a bit more secure.

Apart from that:

Doctor - happy I'm off anti-depressants, vehement that I mustn't attempt coming off zopiclone for at least a month and then under close supervision

Allotment: fresh air, cold, M being a pain.

Home, fire, kebab, telly, book, bed.

10:06 p.m. - 29.11.12

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