annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Another bad day. Feel frustrated that I didn't realise I needed a proper duvet day, but will try and fit one in soon. Today I was aiming for joining the local art club, but couldn't face an unknown set-up full of strangers.

Current stress factors:

  • ED will collect her specs this weekend. Maybe she will regain her vision, be able to read, make eye-contact, notice how people are feeling etc etc, or maybe not. Depends whether the MS damage is a one off or a fluctuating thing. Massive, fucking massive.

  • Tomorrow we have the Team_Around_the_Child meeting, about grandson. YD can't come, as tomorrow she has a thing at uni on which the final year's work is based. There will be people from all kinds of agencies, maybe SIL, probably not, in which case who the hell knows how it is for GS as ED doesn't and I am dreading it. Bloke driving us both there and back.

  • Still no news about X

  • Funeral on Tues of Bloke's aunt, FIL's sister. FIL has plunged deeply into dementia, with moments of clarity - a few days ago he knew she was dead and wanted to go to the funeral. Since then he has also failed to recognise Bloke, his only son. So I'm going with Bloke to collect FIL, and take him to the funeral, but with a bit of making it up as we go, depending on how FIL is/behaves. Oh man. FIL is an old git - he's never had any time for me, since knowing me back in my teenage, 'if it moves, I'll shag it' days, despite my twenty faithful years with Bloke and the fact that we are still together, five years after stopping living together. He could say anything, but Bloke needs someone with him, and that'll be me.

  • YD just sent me a detailed, articulate, heart-breaking email re her concerns about GS. Do feel better armed for tomorrow, but fuck.

  • The whole benefits thing, and finances generally, which I am trying to put Over There, but they keep popping up and scaring the shit out of me. D pointed out that my mantra of 'I have enough money' (which I haven't remembered to think much), could be improved to 'I have more than enough money'. She's right, and I do. I have more than enough money.

  • That's all.
  • Verdict on today - negative, not giving myself a chance, setting up unrealistic expectations, but these are hard times. Feeling like shit today is not about coming off my medication, life's just a bit crap right now.

    Grateful for: leftover curry reheated for tea; feeling a bit better for having written that down - it seems more contained, although I do know that at least one more pressure point has slipped out of sight in the fog of my memory; finding nice notes and comments I didn't know were there - thanks guys - means a lot; getting up in time for a blood pressure check on my legs (they don't believe my symptoms are side-effects of statins); phone call from NurseyM, my dear silly pal.

    Sweet dreams xx

    10:18 p.m. - 11.10.12

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