annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Monday top ten

1. Rented a yoga DVD from the library and did a session - woo hoo - go me. Tried to copy it so I could watch it on TV, via external hard drive and little lappy (which has no DVD drive), but failed, so a bit awkward trying to see computer screen. May try youtube yoga clips. I want to have someone talking me through it so I can relax into it. Hm - the answer is there as I write, yet again. I need audio, not video.

2. Still haven't done last night's washing up as there's no hot water and I don't like using a kettle. Will have to do it by Thursday, but am already running out of mugs.

3. Had first phone chat with advisor about staying out of debt while on benefits. He's going to send me something - can't remember what exactly - to do with working out all my expenses - and I'm to write down what I spend out of my purse this week and call him back next Monday. I feel a bit safer.

4. Am going to have to stop seeing R (my counsellor), sooner rather than later. Fuck. Ing. Hell.

5. Acupuncture, je t'adore.

6. No art class again - I discover I can't often do evenings - I'm finished by about six and have to switch off for a few hours. Took some art books out of the library - might have a go at something Hodgson-esque, and I've just (now), discovered an open art club that meets all through the year, not too far from here, two afternoons a week.

7. I was quite mean to ED today on the phone and I realise that I am fucking pissed off with both my daughters for both having ignored my birthday. I do (obviously, I hope), understand that they are going through hard times, but for fucking fuck's sake, I am their mother, we are now ten days on and I'm hurt. Please don't leave a comment saying what ungrateful toads they are as I can see this for myself and it will only make me hate you.

8. I have been stomping about in a fury over Cameron's latest step in turning back the clock a hundred years. No housing benefits for the under twenty-fives as they should stay with their parents if they can't afford a place of their own. If there were jobs available for a whole range of abilities and experience at a wage that could pay current housing costs - well, we wouldn't be spending nearly as much on benefits so the question wouldn't arise, but jobs are being slashed all over the place. So, you're twenty three, been in a job since leaving school, married to someone similar, with a kid or two, home of your own - what have you done so far that you should be made homeless because your company decides to shift its business to the third world? (Or they decide your department (something useless like a small town library) is not worth keeping?) What about that 11% National Insurance you've had deducted from every penny you've earned? Wasn't that for this kind of eventuality?

9. I should be lying under my duvet reading a thriller while waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in, sipping a mug of hot milk and honey, like the proper granny I am, instead of sitting here, desperately trying to think of another two points to make it up to ten - as if anyone gives a shit.

10. But I'm still here, made it through. Whew.

Sleep well xxx

11:55 p.m. - 25.06.12


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