annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crikey List form: 1. Hideous anxiety about route from one daughter's home to the other's, as I've never set off driving alone into unfamiliar bits of London, and it took me a long time to think fuck it, I'll go back the way I came, even if it is the wrong direction. Back to the M25 (London orbital), turn left, drive from due east of London, all the way over the top to almost due west. I can hardly believe I did that, but it was the right choice. Still ghastly, full of huge lorries and roadworks and boy racers appearing out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of me, but at least I wasn't having to follow a map and watch out for road signs. 2. Meeting at GS's school was good. I only cried a bit. Handed over almost-completed form and Ms K talked me through the rest of it. Big sense of urgency about supporting him through this pile of shit before his hormones kick off. After we'd finished she called him in for a chat while I waited in the car and when he came out I could see at once that he was lighter. Bless him. I took him and his mates to Starbucks, having established that I wasn't going to pay for any of them before we set out, apart from J who is another poor wee soul. They think SB is the height of sophistication - I think it has tables outside in the sunshine where I can have a smoke with my coffee and chat to strange old ladies who come and join me. So we're all cool. 3. Bought GS some chewable multivitamins and he promised to take them. 4.Back to ED's, where GS immediately transformed to just this side of sullen. Nothing you can actually pin down and accuse him of, but not good, not at all good. 5. After conversation with ED I realised I could not possibly sit in a small room with SIL without making things worse. My anger at the things he says, at the drip, drip, drip of dismissal he lets fall on my daughter and grandson, is almost tangible - a spiky storm of fury that he couldn't fail to see the moment our eyes met. There will have to be a time when he gets some feedback on his behaviour, but today was not the day. 6. So back on the M25 into the tail end of the rush hour, which suited me as it was all quite slow and safe with the windows wide open to keep me awake. Grateful for: the systems we have in place to support us when we are in need; my car - so nice to not be listening anxiously to the engine; a parking space not too far from home; a day on my own tomorrow; a place to write it all out Sweet dreams xx 11:56 p.m. - 28.03.12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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