annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thursday night I�ve finally realised that not writing is part of what�s making me twitchy and it�s been good to discover that. Not so good to notice that I�ve allowed myself to become too accustomed to a particular set of conditions � for a while there I was unnerved by Word, with all those acres of billowing white space. Man, I couldn�t write there - I�m a diarylander. I write in a little box with all those names down the side, reminding me (without my even noticing till they�re gone), that there�s loads of us nutters out here, drivelling into the world, calling out to whoever�s passing by, or to no-one. Like, whatever. Who cares, no big deal. Word felt like a big deal all of a sudden, like it was Writing. Which is such a pile of crap � I didn�t even start here till I was over fifty. I�ve written bollocks in all kinds of forms and situations, so fuck you Word � I can write here. I don�t need the internet either. I�ve been in the habit of writing a bit, then reading a bit � instead of having a fag each time I grind to a halt, and I�ve hated not being able to do that, but I think it was too much change all at once. While I�m on the subject of writing, I have to say I�m having great trouble with how to refer to the people in my life without naming them � and yet again, the answer comes as I write. I was going to use initials, but seem to be surrounded by M�s and S�s, with a fair few J�s. Alternative names are out of the question as I�d never keep them straight in my head and I�ve been reluctant to assign nicknames as I could only imagine having to somehow distil people�s essence into a magically and permanently appropriate word or phrase. Whereas all you need is to work out a key feature that distinguishes them from everyone else and never mind the rest. J can become Dog Owner, as she�s the only friend I have who owns a dog, and that dog was for a while almost mine as she spent weekdays at my house, so although she could be Writer or Teacher or Co-Survivor of Angry Teenage Offspring or Drinker, these could be several people, but there was only one dog. I might make it JDog, or even Jdog as it�s easier to type and I do hope to have her in my life for many years to come and one capital letter is quite enough for anyone. Though she did piss me off yesterday � well not piss me off so much as make me feel weary. Drinking to get drunk. Bloody hell, Friday morning, food shopping, all the kids are going to be staying, panic stations, but happy panic. Back later xxxx 12:27 p.m. - 23.12.11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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