annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just doing it I just looked up 'tired' in the thesaurus to see if there were any variations I haven't used in the last few months, but it seems I've covered all of them. Nothing new to say here then. I did no better at sustaining any of my energy-conserving practises whilst at Elder Daughter's. Managing to shove a few words down here when they were all in bed was my token adherence to keeping things steady - no mantras, no drawing, no naps, no times out. I feel angry about this, though I'm not sure who I'm angry with. As I wrote that down I realised that it's not a 'who' it's just fate, isn't it? Or whatever you like to call it - the way things turn out. ED didn't ask to be in her situation and she certainly didn't ask me to exhaust myself on her behalf - she'd be mortified, distressed and angry herself if she knew. And I do no more than I want to, so it's not her and it's not me but I'd still like to punch someone to make it stop, but it wouldn't, nothing will. I did good work though. She was scared of the ramp, which despite running the whole length of her plot (leaving the tightest of turning spaces at the end), is still at an angle that makes it seriously hard work to pull herself up. To get from the bottom of the ramp to the road involves several of these tight turns, including one between the corners of the house and the shed where the ground is uneven and there's no space for her to have her hands on the wheels. Uneven paving slabs then jammed up between the rails round the front steps and a cut-back, prickly load of shrubbery, then a sudden change in level between her plot and the road that she actually can't do unaided as, despite being unnoticeable to the able-bodied its just too steep not to tip the chair up. By this morning she'd got it all licked apart from that last bit, so SIL's job tomorrow is to get some concrete and smooth it out. She just needed me to be on guard, to cheer her on and to remind her that everything new is a bit scary. I keep thinking my heart can't break any more, but it can and it does. 1:34 a.m. - 23.10.11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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