annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Day 278

1. Daughter and I chat on the phone, as if everything is as usual. A weight lifts from my spirit. I wish I was more self-determined, or whatever the word is for a person who doesn't rise and fall with what she thinks are other people's opinions of her.
2. As usual in recent times, I have left everything about Christmas till the last minute. I used to love going to the city in the last week, pushing my way round the shops, finding treasures for people I love. Now we are all bereft without our Sam and I don't have the heart, until suddenly I do and want to shower Son and Daughter with everything they didn't know they needed, little luxuries and treats to brighten and lighten their lives. But it's not like that, is it? They're living green lives, as waste-free as possible, she's dealing with her eating disorder, so no food for her, there's nothing they really want or need, they hate pointless excess and covid numbers are rising alarmingly so shops are dodgy and Amazon is vile and nothing else will arrive in time, so there we are.
3. My mate Bill posted this today - I fact-checked and it's all true. Our numbers here in the UK are currently 64,170 deaths.
"Cuba has had a total of 137 deaths from Covid-19 since the pandemic began. Cuba has a population of 11 million. The UK population is 66 million. Had we managed the pandemic as well as Cuba, we would have had just 822 deaths in total. Like the UK, Cuba is an island. Like the UK, Cuba has an aging population. Unlike the UK, Cuba is a poor country and has suffered the most severe and longest-lasting sanctions in the world. And yet.... Could it be something to do with the fact that socialism puts people before profit?"
4. I did the best drawing I've ever done of the Pavilion - I wish I could share it here - I will sort out either wordpress or blogspot after Christmas when there's more room in my head. See, I'm still a fucking optimist, despite all these years of experience. Things will get better, they're bound to. Hah. We'll see. In the meantime I'm AnnaM46 on Instagram if you want to have a look.
5. I wrote and posted over 40 cards today, but what a fucking mission finding the addresses for all these people. My address book, I realise, hasn't been used for years - there were literally three people who still lived in the same place that I wanted to send a card to - I lost a fair few friends during Sammie's last years. Fuck 'em. But the other addresses were all online, somewhere. Either in one of my email accounts, or on Facebook messages, or Twitter or Instagram messages, or my text messages or Whatsapp. Seven possibilities. Jesus, it took me all bloody morning. I thought half an hour would do it, then I was going to put up some decorations, get some fucking festive vibe and all that going on. Instead I just got grumpy. Ah well.

11:55 p.m. - 17.12.20

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