annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 9 I'm utterly worn out and despondent about the election campaign and how corrupt it is. Today has seen so many downright lies, used as a distraction from the real story - the lack of NHS funding - ach it's too complicated to write it all out, but it is so fucking depressing. I thought there was a level of human decency that virtually all of us adhered to, but it seems I was wrong. D, my pal who started me on this writing every day in December, is using the prompt "The kindness of strangers" but it's not cheering me up to think of it, as all I can remember is the flood of donations from strangers to help me pay for Sam's funeral, which was obviously amazing, but not much else about it is cause for celebration. Yoga was really hard today, inexplicably so. As if all my muscles and tendons had shrunk, as if they hadn't been used for much for years, instead of doing a perfectly good class only yesterday. Pretty certain it's stress related - if I feel all right mentally, my body goes to shit. It's Christmas coming up, that's the problem. I'm being ridiculous about it, I know, but I just don't want it, like really don't want it. But there's no avoiding it, unless you turn everything off and avoid all urban centres, but if I did that there'd be no escaping the harsh truth that my daughter is dead, not even for the brief time I do manage to escape that reality - usually by scrolling through the phone, which is fucking crap at the moment because it's all election stuff, but we're almost there three more days... I'd like to stay up and watch the results coming in but I don't have anyone nearby who's interested. Maybe I'll just take my laptop up to bed and dip in and out - I could turn it on every time I wake up for a wee. Son is convinced the Tories will get back in, and maybe he's right, although I cannot bear to think so. I remember when there was the leadership vote, to replace May, and I thought it would be unspeakable to have Johnson as our PM, shameful, but here we are, and he is shameful, a verdict upon us all, just as Trump is for the US. This is us, this is where our apathy has taken us, believing that good will win out. I keep half thinking that I should try and get in the mood, by getting some decorations up, but I can't. Maybe in a bit. I half wish Bloke was the kind of bloke who would attempt to coax me into it, Christmas, but he'd be someone else if he did that, wouldn't he? And to be fair, if he did I'd probably tell him to fuck off. Night night
11:57 p.m. - 09.12.19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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