annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bendy I phoned the 0xfam shop this morning to let them know I wouldn't be coming in to do that trial session, and explaining why not. A bloke answered the phone and was so apologetic but not the slightest bit surprised. In fact he asked if I'd call the area manager and tell her about it, as they've had enough of Rude Woman and an outside opinion is valuable. (I'd filled in an application form to be a volunteer, had a phone call from the manager, arranged to go for a trial last Tuesday, when I got there she fucked me about and eventually said she couldn't possibly do a trial then, as if it was my fault I was there at that time, and we arranged for me to do it today). The area manager was also very apologetic and tried to persuade me to try another of their shops but I refused. (0xfam is short for 0xford Famine Relief - a big UK charity that's been going for ever. These are shops selling donated items. Where I buy most of my clothes.) What I am left with is the fact that it took me so long to get around to thinking fuck them, how dare they treat me like that? I mean, I made it in the end, but Jesus, how long did it take? I still, after all these years, all this fucking therapy, the recovery groups, this, that and god knows what else, I still always think it's my fault. I am so bored of doing that now. Otherwise it's been yoga, walking, ED visiting - her wheelchair collapsed, for fuck's sake, luckily while she was at the home, just being pushed along a corridor - the back fell down and the woman pushing her took the weight so nothing awful happened, but some mechanism has snapped and now we're at the mercy of Wheelchair Services. None of them at the home are mechanically minded - it's a different skill-set, isn't it? They're emotionally literate, kind, patient, but not necessarily good at mending shit when it breaks. Me neither. I still have to get a job though. So I have to do some voluntary work to get a recent reference. I don't want to, that's the trouble. Well, that and the fact that it's an employer's market and I'm 62, haven't worked for ten years and am as flaky as fuck. Form an orderly queue, please. There's a way out of this but I don't know what it is yet - I'm hitting my overdraft limit earlier and earlier - may have to cancel this week's counselling, and 5 Rhythms and a massage I'd booked - I mean, it's a load of treats one after another and I am actually a Poor Person these days and should be thanking my lucky stars I'm not queueing up at the food bank, instead of whingeing about missing all this.
Meanwhile, I'm going to bed and today I have been grateful for: sitting next to two giggly kids on the train; feeling pretty bendy at yoga; finding the bit of seaglass I knew I had but couldn't locate for too long; leftover yesterday's dinner for dinner, still delish; chat with YD, phew. Sleep tight xx 12:19 a.m. - 11.04.17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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