annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Devoid of nicotine and editing So I've completed six days without tobacco or nicotine in any form and it's been the longest, dreariest six days of my life. And even as I write that, I want to retract it or rephrase it or something, because it has also been the time of my father-in-law's dying, spread over these same days and I can't see what's what at all. I started smoking in early September 1965, on my first day at grammar school, aged eleven. I smoked my final fag last Wednesday night, whatever the date was then, and ever since have been in a state of weird-shit-ness that presumably will end at some point. It's like being in a waiting room. There's also that sensation that comes when you've drunk half a cup of something and the rest got thrown away by mistake - that sense of something unfinished. That could fuck off about now. Along with the idea that there's a little treat-type-of-thing I could choose right now that would be perfect - this bubbles along almost but not quite subconsciously and it's FUCKING SHITE because it's referring to lighting a fag, which just does not deliver on the pleasure front, honestly, compared to any other drug you care to mention it's just crap, the biggest con of all time, so I won't fall for it, but I have to keep telling myself that, all the livelong fucking day, honestly that would make me a bad-tempered hate-filled simmering raging fury, even if I wasn't already that way inclined. Too too too hard, but no alternative 1:04 a.m. - 16.07.14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||