annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Big freak out last night, continuing to present. Woken with a start by YD's voice, desperately calling, "Can't you hear me?" Was out of the bed, heart in mouth almost shouting, "YD! YD! Where are you?" before I realised it was dark and she has a key. Paranoid that something had happened, checked time - 4.13am - made myself go back to sleep. Called her this morning, as soon as I managed to get plausibly steady of voice and language, but no reply. Made myself go about my day. She called while I was driving, so veered abruptly towards the kerb, grabbed the phone before it stopped and burst into tears at the sound of her cheerful 'hello Mummy.' Now I'm freaked out again, about what it means that I dream such things so viscerally. Just saying. Also had introductory 20 min session with CBT guy. He thinks he can supply the 'refresher' type of thing that I think may put me in a better place and I think I have to do something and can't think of anything else. Private, but paying at the bottom of a sliding scale. NHS services have been slashed to the bone. And to Dr J, who advised me to take it steady with the zopiclone, to keep going on a quarter for a few more weeks before stopping altogether as it may take me even further down, which doesn't seem a good plan. Few more weeks then. 10:23 p.m. - 10.01.13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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