annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wouldn't it be nice? Today's explosion, lobbed into the limpid pool of my life (har har), was courtesy of the MS Nurse. She called me late afternoon to see if I could take Elder Daughter for a blood test as the neurologist thinks her progression is weird, even for MS which is totally idiosyncratic anyway. He thinks it may be something else. There was a brief pause after she said that - the opportunity for me to ask what he thought it might be. I didn't take it. A kaleidoscope of alternate futures flashed through my mind, the shutters went down and I asked about some other detail. I haven't spoken to ED so I don't know how she's taking it, but the alternating rushes of hope and despair are unbearable for me, and as the results will take "a few weeks" to come through, I'm going to write about it here if I can and then try and distract myself from it as much as possible to stop me going proper mental. It could be worse than MS - it could be terminal, but that's a bridge we'll only cross if we have to and not before. It could be something else as well as bloody MS. It could be more or less the same level of bastardry - god knows what, I have no idea - there are gazillions of rare diseases and syndrome out there - and it could turn out that yes, she has MS, it's just being even weirder than usual. But it could be, it's not impossible for it to be, something which is curable, which is way way beyond anything any of us have dared hope for. Except ED. Every single time I ask her if there's anything she wants or needs, she always, always replies, "Yes, a new body," which either breaks my heart or irritates the shit out of me, depending on how it's going. Her inability to get her head round it in any way at all has been mind-boggling. She keeps saying, "It's wrong - I'm only thirty-three," as if that's got anything to do with anything. But maybe she's been right. Maybe she will walk again, and maybe run and dance and swim and chase the waves on the beach and clatter up and down the stairs. We'll see. 8:31 p.m. - 13.10.11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||